She was the talk of the neighbourhood
Her beauty unmatched,
Her hair
full and shining and pitch black
ran past her shoulders
and her eyes
like dark hooks for the soul
drew in any that would behold her
Her voice brought visions of cloudless days
Of meadows and flowers
And her smile
When she brought it out
blazed like the desert sun at the midday hour
and knocked us all out
and for that
we called her Jackie Bauer.
But she had a daddy
who was a Colonel in the army.

Tales abounded of hot blooded young men,
Who unable to hold burning desires,
The all-consuming, burning, raging fires,
Thought to venture into the Colonel’s home,
to seek the beauty within
Broken noses, broken arms and broken teeth
Lined the pursuit of Jackie Bauer
the beauty at the end
of the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
For she had a daddy,
Who was a Colonel in the Army

I watched and waited bidding my time,
As the young men
Drawn by the siren
Crashed their ships upon the rocks
Like sailors of yore
Drawn by the songs
of the daughters of Chthon
I wanted her
I longed for her
I dreamed of her
She was my every waking thought
my every nights dream
but I dared not
Because of her daddy
A Colonel in the Army

one early morning
the rumour mill
brought news to me
That her daddy
A colonel in the Army
Had been sent to Sudan
To aid those displaced
by the war against Garang
And well aware of the vultures that awaited
The randy, hormone laden,lecherous young men
with their asses clenched and their breath bated,
I wasted not a moment,
And the pursuit of Jackie Bauer,
I got right on it.
For he was not around.
And by he,
I mean
Her daddy,
A Colonel in the army

Into the bath I zipped,
Scrubbed myself thoroughly,
Even behind my ears I cleaned,
Broke out the brand new Joe Boxers
(Cross between brief and boxer),
Snuck into my brothers room as he sat on the throne
And borrowed his best jeans and a splash of his cologne
I slipped my feet into a pair of shoes
(Liked to call them Chuck Taylors
but in truth
just Northstars
picked up at a Bata in the area)
and strutted confidently to her house
knocked on the door
And stood without
awaiting the beauty within
almost jumping in glee
For I knew he wasn’t in
and by he
I mean
Her daddy
A Colonel in the Army

With nary a creak
the door swung open
and right before me
stood the beauty so golden
With a bout of courage rarely seen
I took her hand
Walked her across the floor
And sat her on the settee
with me facing the door
And before a word had left my mouth
She placed her lips upon my lips
And my blood shot south
leaving me seeing nothing
my sight as black as pitch
I sailed upon this cloud
for but a brief moment
when the sound of a voice
brought me crashing back down
I opened my eyes
and almost swallowed the girl
for at the door
his hand still on the knocker
stood her daddy
a Colonel in the Army
fully dressed as a soldier
and a shotgun slung over his shoulder.


It takes the average man about a month and a half to fully recover from gunshot wounds.